The most heartfelt blog post is always written while sitting alone while waiting in some sort of waiting room or maybe while travelling alone – basically when you have a lot of time for yourself. For me, that is how it works.This is not the first time I am thinking of this. In fact, this is something about which I am always thinking. It’s like it’s there in my head all the time.
My parents have always been my superheroes. Wolverine – self-healing of injuries, Captain America – timeless, never getting old, Superman – doing everything, nothing is impossible.
I have been pretty dependent on my parents when it comes to my growing up years. And they are the only people who made me independent today. From combing my hair to tying my shoelaces to taking me out for any academic exams, my parents have always been there. Doing it as their only duties, without fail.
I am in the 28th year of my life, yes. I had never seen my mother weak. I have never seen my father afraid of doing anything. And I never thought things will change. Ever.
But then, I forgot that my parents are human beings too. They are ageing and I have not been able to accept this fact. And I have been fighting this feeling, since the last 10 years now.
After my sister got married, my parents have aged at double the rate. Both of them might not look that old – yes, they just look younger than their age – but they are old. My sister still lives in the past when it comes to our parents. You miss a lot of things if you miss a kid’s growing up years. Similarly, you miss a lot of things when you miss your parent’s growing older years. And witnessing those years is not a pleasant feeling.
My parents are perfectly healthy. They follow their set of a daily routine of exercise and healthy diet, which I might not be. But deep down, they know that now there are things for which they are just ‘too old’. And let us be very practical here. “Age is just a number” doesn’t work after a certain age for everyone!
I remember my father being my go-to person who always had a solution for everything. The same father of mine is now scared of doing a lot of things. The absolute rock figures of my life are pretty fragile and breakable right now. They are strong to sustain themselves. But is that enough once you are on the other side a certain age?
They are dependent on me for a lot of things now. It is not because they are incapable, no. Never. They are capable of doing everything. But it is because the world is changing at a super fast rate. And it is no longer the same as what used to be 40 years ago. And that is something they are not able to digest which makes them not just physically but mentally vulnerable too.
I am not going to talk about any particular incidence which might have triggered this up. However, this is as generic as it can get. I see many of my friends complain about their parents – about silly li’l things. It might be because their parents are younger – relatively. Or I might be complaining about them too but I somehow I know I give them benefit of doubt in almost everything. They can’t be at the same pace as you are. And I know it. They are trying hard. No harm if I try hard too, no? And this is not out of sympathy. It is because of the human emotion called love!
Sometimes both of them become pretty adamant about things. They get extreme mood swings. And they demand a lot of time. And it’s all allowed. Trust me, it is. I try my best to spend my time with them whenever I am available. It might not be just enough for them but as much my life allows me to.
I have never imagined my life without seeing them around. It is a super scary feeling to just leave them and move to the next phase of my life. It is as scary as it can get. But there is nothing that I can do about it. I might find a workaround to be around them but they will slowly be fading away in my priority list of every day. They are a priority today. Tomorrow, they might be just pushed back a li’l in that list. I will always be guilty about it and I know this is how life works and I might not be able to cope up with it, but they have to know that all I do is just care about them. Everything I do, I always have them in my mind.
Random and super jumbled thoughts, but I had to get them out. I can not stay indifferent in every aspect of life, can I?
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